Happy = Homemaker

Good morning blog friends! I had a very busy weekend gals. Between my son's softball games, daughter's bridging ceremony and dinner after church it left little time to blog. Sorry, I don't really have any new prim things to share with you. Hopefully later in the week though!

I have been reading Aunt Ruthie's Sugar Pie Farmhouse I have been doing a little soul searching. I love how inspiring she is through her love of cooking for her family and discussions about raising children and spirtuality. I find myself questioning my role as a mother and teacher. I love being a teacher. I taught for 6 years in MO where we lived for a remarkable 10 years and had both our babies. I have not worked full time since our move from Missouri to North Dakota in 2004. North Dakota has a lot fewer people. I don't know if any of you have lived there or traveled up there but it is sparsely populated. This means fewer teachers, thus jobs. When we moved our kids were 4 1/2 and 2 1/2 so daycare would have been quite expensive. My DD had to wait another year before starting kindergarden because she has a September birthday. I also found out that North Dakota wanted me to take several classes and it would cost about 500 dollars just to get my license etc. All of the teachers at Minot (where we were stationed) were local people. So even though there were two elementary schools on our base I had zero job prospects. They didn't even have openings during the 3 years we lived there. This began my journey as a stay at home mom. I had stayed home when my son was born in 01' previously for a year and decided it wasn't for me. We lived in the country and I was so lonely and didn't have any support. If only I knew back then what I know today I'm positive things would have been different. Anyway, to make a long story short I went back to work and then my DH got orders. Fast forward 3 years after that my mom was sick with cancer and we got humanitarian orders for our current base in IL. I basically went through the same thing. I had to take two IL tests that took 2 days and finally got my IL teaching license. I have been a substitute here for the last two years at my children's school. Last year there was an opening that I was fully qualified for and I didn't get the position. Even though I have made friends with the teachers, subbed at the last minute countless times, all the kids really liked me. I still didn't get hired. They hired a first year just out of college teacher. Can you tell I'm a little sore about this subject? I have let go of this and given it to God but I was upset for a while. I have become good friends with the staff at school and they all told me how sorry they were about the choice. We had a new principal this year and he did not know me from anyone else last summer. I even had 2 board members who would have recommended me but I guess he had the final say. Anyway, I have come to see what a blessing this is to be with my family and how much time I do have compared to some moms. I have done just about all the parties at school and almost every field trip for my son who will be a 2nd grader and my daughter who will be a 4th grader, yikes next year. I think that is pretty great. I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world.

There is just one problem with all of this. It took me 5 years to earn my teaching degree and countless money spent on transcript analysis, criminial background checking, tests etc. and now I can't find a teaching job in IL or our future IN home. This year I mailed out about 12 resumes alone in both states. When do I decide that this just won't happen again for me?? Maybe I'm not meant to be a teacher?? I'm in the process of making a decision. My cut off for this is next Fall. I told my Dh I'm willing to try again for one more year and then I think I should either stay home or go back to school and persue something else. The only bad part is like a lot of families my dh doesn't make a ton of money. We will have to settle for a smaller house etc. We do ok financially but not for a what we invision for a 3000 square foot, farm house with a keeping room, great room and plenty of land for my dh to hunt etc. When I talk about staying home he reminds me it won't come without sacrifices. Without my teaching job what we can afford on his salary won't be our dream home. I do love staying home though and after much soul searching I think this is what makes me happiest. I still love teaching and would be more than happy to get a job. However, I love cooking for my family, being present for them, baking cookies when the kids come home from school. Even though I don't really like cleaning there is something so satifying about knowing I have a clean nest to come home to because I have everything taken care of. When I'm substituting a lot I don't get nearly as much done and I get cranky and tired (hopefully you all can relate) I'm much happier when I am at home than when I'm trying to strike a balance.

Thanks for letting me vent, I shared a lot of personal things but I feel like I know all of my followers and it feels good to be able to get some things off my chest. Sorry this is so long I try to keep things short and sweet. If you could take time in the comments section I'd love to hear back from everyone. Tell me if you're currently a homemaker and if so for how long. Also, how did you make the decision to stay home.

Have a great day,

Carey